so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk is a universal language darling
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