How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
