Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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