fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
