I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Randomize
