there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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