College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
