dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
