my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
