Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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