I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
