I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
