We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
