Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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