I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
