I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Congratulations! We have a period
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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