I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
