Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
