I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
