They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
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Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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