Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
