forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
