On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
