She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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