i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
