this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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