I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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