im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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