y did u give ur computer a hand job?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
