So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to make out with him forever
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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