I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
