:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
