how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
