did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
