I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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