Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
