3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
