I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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