Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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