So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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