Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
