do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
