I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my poor anus
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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