I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
