when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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