Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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