party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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