oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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