he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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