I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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