our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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