i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
