I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
