you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I need a beard to bite.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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