So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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