12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
