I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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