D3 body, D1 cock
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
