i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
