They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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