***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
