As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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